i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
