Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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