At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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