I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
