Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
