I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
