if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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