His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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