trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just google imaged poop.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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