okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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