I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
