i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
