I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
