Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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