the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Shame - the story of my life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
