I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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