Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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