why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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