Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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