drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
