Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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