the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
