Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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