Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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