I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
