it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
