everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
