are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
