So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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