At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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