dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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