he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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