So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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