Can Purell be used as lube?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
