we'll go far in life on tits alone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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