Cold hands, warm shart.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
