Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
