Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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