There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
