So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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