she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
