She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
