I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
