what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
