it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
