It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
