Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
being pregnant is like rehab
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
