My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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