then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
