I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
