Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
