Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
