my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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